我他媽真不知道 I don"t know what the fuck is going on 這個(gè)國(guó)家在干嘛 in this country, man! 每天我打開電視 Every day I turn on the TV, 就看見他媽的這些怪胎又在為權(quán)益游♥行♥ and I see these fucking freaks marching for their rights! 我們的權(quán)益呢 What about our rights? 現(xiàn)在該向整個(gè)世界宣布 This is our time to show the world 我們不只是網(wǎng)上運(yùn)動(dòng) that we are not just an online movement! 我們要做出實(shí)際行動(dòng) We"re growing physically! 是時(shí)候向他們宣布 This is our time to assert ourselves 我們才是真正代表美國(guó)的民聲 as the true voice of America! 我們開始吧 Yes, let"s do that! 你們可能注意到了 Now, you may have noticed 我們的朋友雅利安·格蘭德 that our friend Aryan Grande 招了一個(gè)新人 has brought in a new recruit. 去他媽的猶太人 82

　歡迎你 FucktheJews82. Welcome, brother! 你好

　我好

　大家好 Hi. Heil. Heil, everybody. 白人至上

　毫無疑問 White power. Obviously. 我粉你們有一段時(shí)間了 Been a big fan of you guys for a while. 自從二戰(zhàn)的時(shí)候就開始了

　真的 Since World War II, really. 那時(shí)你們就大顯身手了 That"s when you made your big entrance, on the scene. 還有

　就是

　最后要說的就是 And, uh... Yeah. Just, um, in closing... 去他媽的猶太人 Fuck the Jews!

　歡迎 Welcome! 開始他媽的狂歡吧 Let"s fucking party! 你們?cè)谏缃幻襟w上相當(dāng)活躍吧 So you guys are, like, pretty active on social media, right? 對(duì) Yeah. 你們平均每天發(fā)幾次推特 How many times a day would you say you tweet on average? -去他猶

　-在 - Hey, FTJ! - yo! 你說你也想要納粹紋身 You said you wanted a swastika tattoo. 你的機(jī)會(huì)來了 Now"s your chance. 我一直在想這事

　要不還是算了 Yeah, you know, I"ve been thinking about it. I"m cool. 來吧

　我們都紋了 Come on, man. We all got "em! 你們也想讓我紋一個(gè)納粹紋身嗎 You guys want me to get a swastika tattoo? 對(duì) Yeah! 那我就紋一個(gè) I will get a swastika tattoo. 好 Yeah. 你替我一會(huì)

　我去尿個(gè)尿 Hey, take over, man. I got to take a piss. 超級(jí)酷

　謝謝幫我紋身 Super cool, guys. Thank you for this. 真叫人激動(dòng) This is really exciting. 好

　開始了 All right, here we go! 來勁了 Ooh, right! Yeah! 疼嗎 That hurt? 可疼了 On many levels. Yes. 靠 Fuck!

　這是你嗎 Hey! This you? 你是個(gè)記者嗎 You"re a journalist? 對(duì) Yeah! 現(xiàn)在這個(gè)時(shí)代

　我們都得是他媽的記者 We all got to be fucking journalists in this day and age, 因?yàn)橹髁髅襟w不報(bào)道我們的事 mainstream media not covering our side of the story! 他叫弗雷德·弗拉斯基 His name is Fred Flarsky. 他是《布魯克林倡導(dǎo)報(bào)》的記者 He writes for the Brooklyn Advocate. -他媽的是個(gè)猶太人

　-什么 - He"s a fucking Jew! - What? 其實(shí)

　其實(shí)吧

　好說

　都好說 Look, look, look. Okay, okay, okay. Hey! 你來這干嘛 What are you doing here? 你♥他♥媽♥是特意過來打我們臉嗎 You"re here to fucking embarrass us, huh? -誰派你來的

　-沒人派我來 - Who sent you? - No one sent me! 都好說

　我

　我 It"s okay. I"m... I"m... 他一直在錄音 He"s been recording us the whole time! 他媽的

　我讓你有膽臥底 Fucking shit, man! You infiltrated our group! 沒命出去 You"re gonna fucking die! 這個(gè)怎么關(guān)啊 How do you turn this thing off? 摁他媽的那個(gè)紅鈕

　就那 The fucking red button, right there, man! 我靠 Holy shit! 太棒啦 Yeah! 我不但逃出來了 Not only did I escape... 我手♥機(jī)♥還沒事 I held onto my phone!

　太棒啦 Yes! Ow! 我那么信任你 I trusted you, man! 對(duì)

　猶太人這回贏了

　混♥蛋♥ Yeah, well... Jews win this round, motherfucker! 拜拜 Peace! �？怂雇黹g新聞 Tonight on Wembley News, 帶你深入了解夏洛特 Field we take an in-depth look at Charlotte Field, 她是羅德學(xué)者

　普利策獎(jiǎng)得主 a Rhodes Scholar, a Pulitzer winner, 同時(shí)還是錢伯斯總統(tǒng)的得意門生 and protege of President Chambers, 兩年前他提攜菲爾德 who tapped Field two years ago 成為美國(guó)歷史上 to be the youngest secretary of state 最年輕的國(guó)務(wù)卿 in the history of this nation. 其實(shí)也是最性感的國(guó)務(wù)卿 And honestly, looking hotter than usual. 深入觀察夏洛特·菲爾德 有人可能說我是性別歧視 Now, people are gonna say that"s sexist, 但是她就是性感 but, she"s just hot! 我們這樣討論女人 You know, when we talk about women in this way, 是因?yàn)槲覀冏鹬厮齻?it is because we respect them so much, 男人的尊重就是從欣賞身材開始的 and we start with their body. 你們兩個(gè)真壞 You two are terrible. 晚安

　史蒂芬 Good night, Steven. 晚安

　國(guó)務(wù)卿女士 Good night, Madam Secretary. 全民追女王 抱歉這么晚打電♥話♥

　外♥交♥部♥長(zhǎng)先生 Sorry for the late call, Mr. Foreign Minister.

　今天太忙了 Long day. 三個(gè)雙邊會(huì)談 Three bilaterals. 我們做不到 Listen, we"re not going to be able to do it. 我們?nèi)鄙僮銐虻闹С?There"s just not enough traction around this thing. 我相信

　只是

　我沒有國(guó)會(huì)的支持 I believe in it, it"s just... I don"t have Congress support. 我沒有美國(guó)民眾的支持 I don"t have the American people"s support. 我們都不喜歡這樣

　恰克 I know you and I don"t like it, Chuck, 但你知道誰喜歡嗎 but you know who likes it? 88%的 45 歲以上且上過大學(xué)的美國(guó)人 88% of college-educated Americans over 45. 潛在的選民 Likely voters. 蓋洛普民♥意♥測(cè)驗(yàn)

　我們必須得搞定 That"s Gallup. We have to make this happen. 我不是說總統(tǒng)缺少經(jīng)驗(yàn) Well, I wouldn"t call the president inexperienced. 他的確在熱門電視劇里 I mean, he did play a president 扮演總統(tǒng)已經(jīng)有十來年了 on a very popular television show for over a decade. 能拿到六個(gè)金球獎(jiǎng)提名 You don"t get six Golden Globe nominations 足以說明他的實(shí)力 without being pretty convincing. 我覺得自己挺有趣的 Um, I do think I"m funny. 抱歉

　我以為這個(gè)是關(guān)于 I"m sorry, I thought this interview was about 促進(jìn)東歐的民♥主♥的采訪 promoting democracy in Eastern Europe. 好了

　下一個(gè)是 BBC 的采訪 All right, next one"s BBC. 你會(huì)去問一個(gè)男內(nèi)閣 Would you be asking a male cabinet member 他用什么護(hù)發(fā)產(chǎn)品嗎 what products they use in their hair?

　我只是開玩笑 I"m just kidding. 不

　是橄欖油和蛋黃醬 No, it"s olive oil and mayonnaise. 對(duì)

　又便宜

　又閃亮 I know. So cheap. So much shine. 早上好

　總統(tǒng)先生 Good morning, Mr. President. 早上好

　總統(tǒng)先生 Good morning, Mr. President. 早上好

　總統(tǒng)先生 Good morning, Mr. President. 早上好

　總統(tǒng)先生 Good morning, Mr. President. 嘿

　夏洛特 Oh, hey, Charlotte. 被你逮到我在看自己演的電視劇了 You caught me watching my show. 總統(tǒng)先生

　我們還是建議使用 C 方案 Mr. President. We still recommend Option C. 我絕不會(huì)用核武器制♥造♥海嘯 I am not nuking a tsunami! 亮點(diǎn)來了 Oh, here it is. 現(xiàn)在不會(huì) Not now... 以后也不會(huì) Not today. 我的國(guó)家更不會(huì) Not in my house. 棒

　超愛這段 Yes! I love that! 我也是 Oh, me too. 不過我不是因?yàn)檫@個(gè)叫你來的 Anyway, that"s not why I called you here. 夏洛特 Charlotte. 在

　先生 Yes, sir? 我不會(huì)再連任了 I will not be seeking reelection. 真的嗎 Really?

　我知道這很瘋狂 Look, I know it"s crazy, 因?yàn)槲沂讓萌纹诓艅傔^半 because I"m only halfway through my first term. 而且你人氣相當(dāng)高

　先生 And you"re incredibly popular, sir. 我想利用這份人氣 And I want to use that popularity 轉(zhuǎn)型成其他 to transition into something 比總統(tǒng)更有聲望的角色上 more prestigious than the presidency. 我想在電影界有所作為 I wanna make it in the movies. 你是要 You"re going to leave 放棄總統(tǒng)的職位

　去演電影嗎 the Presidency to go be in movies? 對(duì)

　這會(huì)非常難 I know. It"s gonna be tough. 大概只有十個(gè)演員可以成功地 Only like, 10 guys have made that jump 從電視轉(zhuǎn)入電影行業(yè) from TV to film. 伍迪·哈里森

　喬治·克魯尼 Woody Harrelson, George Clooney... 可能

　就這兩個(gè)人 Might be... Might be just two. 我

　總統(tǒng)先生 I... Mr. President, have you 你考慮過要推舉誰當(dāng)下一任總統(tǒng)了嗎 given any consideration as to whom you might endorse? 你可能在考慮麥克尼科爾或者克勞力 I"m sure you"re probably thinking of McNichol or Crowly. 都是很好的人選 Strong choices. 真怪

　我正在考慮 2024 年的大選 So strange, because I was considering a run in 2024. 我也通過審查了 And I"ve been vetted. 一切準(zhǔn)備就緒 So that"s all done. 我就不住地在想 And I can"t stop thinking about what...

　如果你推舉首位女總統(tǒng) What it would do for your legacy 作為你最后的政♥治♥遺產(chǎn)會(huì)怎么樣 to endorse the first female president. 這可是

　真正的政♥治♥遺產(chǎn) I mean... That"s a legacy. 夏洛特 Charlotte? 我想推舉你 I would like to endorse you 成為美♥利♥堅(jiān)♥合眾國(guó)的下一任總統(tǒng) to be the next president of the United States. 如果你覺著這個(gè)主意不錯(cuò) I mean, if you think that"s a good idea, 先生

　我相信你 sir, I trust you. 我

　我很榮幸 I"d... I"d be honored. 我會(huì)為夏洛特隊(duì)加油打氣 I"m gonna be pulling for Team Charlotte. Right? 因?yàn)槟闶莻�(gè)好秘書 Because you"ve been a great secretary. 國(guó)務(wù)秘書 ...of state. 不管怎樣

　這個(gè)工作很酷 Whatever. It"s a cool job. 而且

　你干的也不錯(cuò) And, um, you"ve done it well. 謝謝你

　先生 Thank you, sir. 專心工作

　別搞砸了 So stay focused. Don"t make any major screw-ups. 別和任何妓♥女♥扯上關(guān)系 Don"t kill any hookers. 對(duì)你來說應(yīng)該不成問題 Probably not a problem for you. 我不知道你喜歡男還是女 無所謂 I don"t know what you"re into. Whatever. 總統(tǒng)之路

　指日可待 And before you know it... 改編自美國(guó)總統(tǒng)歌♥《向統(tǒng)帥致敬》 我喜歡這首歌♥ I like the sound of that. ? 她向我們走來 ?

　? Hey, here she comes ? ? 第一任女總統(tǒng) ? ? It"s the first lady president ? ? 沒有人能相信 ? ? Who can believe that ? ? 她真是個(gè)女人 ? ? she"s actually a woman ? 謝謝你

　先生 Thank you, sir. ? 她既智慧過人 ? ? She"s got a big brain and ? ? 而且品貌雙全 ? ? a couple other assets ? 現(xiàn)在向我們走來的是 Oh, and here we see 國(guó)務(wù)卿夏洛特·菲爾德 Secretary of State Charlotte Field. 早上好 Good morning. 太棒了 Yes! 夏洛特·菲爾德 基準(zhǔn)研究 大標(biāo)題是

　你狀態(tài)超棒 So the headline is, "You"re in great shape." -92 個(gè)百分位數(shù)

　不錯(cuò)

　-相當(dāng)好 - Ninety-two, that"s good. - Really good. 你們可要知道 And now, keep in mind 這是一個(gè)女性競(jìng)選人的分?jǐn)?shù) that these are numbers for a female candidate. 如果你是男人

　分?jǐn)?shù)可就高出天際了 If you were a man, you"d be in the 192nd percentile. 有道理 Well, that seems about right. 因?yàn)槟腥税?Yeah. Cause the man... Okay. 你的幽默分是 82 Um, your sense of humor is 82, 個(gè)人特質(zhì) 魅力 優(yōu)雅 熱情 背景

　青年 中年 幽默 相當(dāng)不錯(cuò)

　很好 which is solid. It"s solid. 但是當(dāng)然是各項(xiàng)分?jǐn)?shù) But, you know, we wouldn"t mind seeing those numbers 上升得越多越好啊 go up a few points, or more. 我會(huì)從一些段子手那里 So, I"m going to get some writing samples 要幾份范本 from some funny speech writers. 好的

　我真的很想知道 Great. I am really interested in knowing 人們對(duì)我現(xiàn)有成就的看法 how people feel about my accomplishments. 對(duì) Yeah. 好的

　我們不深入研究具體政策 Right. You know, so we don"t drill down on specific policies. 因?yàn)槿藗儾⒉辉诤?And that"s only because people don"t seem to care. 有點(diǎn)意思 That"s interesting. 話雖如此

　若能達(dá)成某些協(xié)議 With that said, if you could broker some deal 讓你可以談?wù)?that gets you out there talking about a thing 自己真正感興趣的事情 that you feel really strongly about, 那就太棒了 that would be great. 那太好了 Well, that"s perfect. 我們一直在尋找一個(gè)可以 I mean, we"ve been looking for 討論環(huán)境問題的機(jī)會(huì) an opening to start a conversation about the environment. 好吧 All right. 感情方面 Romantically, if I may... 羅曼史

　還記得在全球商業(yè)論♥壇♥上 Remember the stir online 你和加拿大總理坐在一起 when the Canadian Prime Minister and you 在網(wǎng)上引起的轟動(dòng)嗎 were seated next to each other at The Global Business Forum? 這樣的關(guān)系會(huì)把你推向 90 多的高分的 A relationship like that would push you into the high 90s. 美好關(guān)系 90 多 High 90s? 接下來我們看看 That brings us to... 揮手禮儀 我揮手又錯(cuò)哪了 What"s wrong with my wave? 人們覺得這樣的肘部動(dòng)作 I think people feel that that level of elbow movement is, 讓人倍感壓力 It stresses people out. 這只是一個(gè)需要改進(jìn)的地方 You know what, It"s just an area for improvement. 好的

　行吧

　我會(huì)改的 Okay, fine, I"ll work on the wave. 布魯克林 早 Hey. 早

　弗雷德 Hey, Fred. 你會(huì)愛死這篇稿子的

　我差點(diǎn)送命了 You"re gonna love this. I almost died. 你有空嗎 You got a second? 有啊 Yeah. 跟我來 Come on. 其實(shí)我有一件天大的好事要說 I actually have some really great news. 真的嗎 Really? 對(duì) Yes. 酷

　Cool. 我們剛剛被�？怂箓髅绞�♥購(gòu)♥了 We were just bought by Wembley Media. 什么 What? 對(duì) Yeah. 你♥他♥媽♥的在開玩笑嗎 Are you fucking kidding me? 我就知道你會(huì)反應(yīng)過度 I knew you"d have a harsh reaction... 反應(yīng)過度 A harsh reaction? 弗雷德

　這是件好事 Fred, this is a good thing. 哪好了 How? 那混♥蛋♥就是我們從第一天開始 The fucker represents everything 就一直在對(duì)抗的一切的化身 that we"ve been fighting against since day one! 我們報(bào)紙存在的意義就是 The whole point of this paper is to 與大型傳媒公♥司♥作斗爭(zhēng) fight giant media conglomerates. 現(xiàn)在我們卻被一家大型傳媒公♥司♥收♥購(gòu)♥了 Now we"ve been bought by a giant media conglomerate. 我知道這很諷刺 I do see the irony. 諷刺 Irony? 他會(huì)把這個(gè)地方變成一個(gè)宣傳機(jī)器 He"s gonna turn this place into a propaganda machine. 不是好的那種

　對(duì)啊 Not the good kind, that"s right! 壞的那種

　這一切都是錯(cuò)的 The bad kind, that"s wrong! 我們別無選擇 Well, we"re out of options. 我們一直給大♥麻♥和伴♥游♥ We"ve been running as long as we can 登廣♥告♥來勉強(qiáng)糊口 on ads for weed doctors and escorts. 我們也來做陰♥莖♥增大的廣♥告♥啊

　Let"s get penis enlargement ads, too. 沒人喜歡自己的屌♥ No one likes their dick. 別這樣

　弗雷德 Come on, Fred. 那個(gè)叫�？怂沟� This Wembley guy, 他為了讓錢伯斯當(dāng)選而編故事 he ran fake stories to help get Chambers elected. 不

　他們不能證明這一點(diǎn) No, they couldn"t prove that. 我們證明了 We proved it! 我寫了三篇關(guān)于這事的報(bào)道 I wrote three articles about it! 都是你刊登的 You published them! 是我 I did. 這家伙嘴里吐出來的都是狗屎 The shit that comes out of this fucking guy"s mouth... 他說颶風(fēng)是同性結(jié)婚造成的 He said hurricanes were caused by gay marriage. 我都不知道那這他媽的原理是什么 I don"t even get how that fucking works. 我連這中間怎么推理出來的都不知道 I don"t even get the math on that one. 弗雷德

　結(jié)束了 Fred, it"s done, all right? 結(jié)束了 It"s done? 他們正在樓上完成交易呢 They"re upstairs finalizing the deal right now. 我們得裁員三分之二 Look, we have to cut two-thirds of our staff. 三分之二 Two-thirds? 對(duì) Yeah. 但我們想讓你留下 But we wanna keep you on. 他們想讓你留下 They wanna keep you on. 只是

　It"s just... 你得收斂點(diǎn) You just have to tone it down a little bit. 這已經(jīng)是我 I don"t know how I can tone things down any more 最收斂的狀態(tài)了 than I"m toning them down. 弗雷德

　你是個(gè)優(yōu)秀的作家 Okay, Fred. You"re a great writer. 謝謝 Thank you. 你很有趣

　你敢冒險(xiǎn)

　你善交流 All right, you"re funny, you take risks, you connect with people. 我覺得馬上就要轉(zhuǎn)折了 I"m sensing a twist in this. 你見解獨(dú)到

　真實(shí)可靠 You have a distinct, authentic voice, 但是 but... 有時(shí)候你有點(diǎn)太過了 Sometimes you"re a little too much. 我不覺得太過了 I don"t think I am too much! 我覺得

　正正剛剛好 I actually think I"m the perfect right portion. 你保住了你的工作 Look, you have your job. 專心工作

　只是稍微收斂一點(diǎn)點(diǎn) Okay, focus on that and just toe the line a little bit. 老子辭職 You know what? I quit. 別這樣

　弗雷德 Oh, come on, Fred. 你也該辭職

　每個(gè)人都他媽的該辭職 You should quit, too. Everyone should fucking quit. 不

　我不會(huì)辭職的

　我需要工作 No, I"m not gonna quit, I need my job. 我也需要他媽的工作

　我身無分文 I need my fucking job, too. I"m broke, man! 但我不會(huì)為他工作 But I can"t work for that guy. 起碼讓我炒了你

　還有遣散費(fèi)可拿 At least let me fire you so you can get unemployment. 他媽的沒門

　No fucking way! 我要讓他知道

　老子不干了 I want him to know that I quit. 他永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)知道的

　他都沒聽說過你 He"s never gonna know it he"s never heard of you. 你為了報(bào)復(fù)一個(gè)都沒聽說過你的人 You"re gonna destroy your life 要?dú)Я四愕娜松鷨?to spite a guy who"s never heard of you? 對(duì)

　你說得對(duì)

　我就要這么做 Yes! You said it best! That"s exactly what I"m doing. 你這個(gè)決定很傻

　我對(duì)你太失望了 You"re making bad decisions and it"s bumming me out, man. 彼此彼此 Well, that makes two of us. 去他媽的

　新聞業(yè)今天已死 Fuck this. Journalism died today, people. 你好

　我是弗雷德·弗拉斯基 Yes, hello, this is, uh, Fred Flarsky. 我只是 Um... I, uh, 只是想說我最近被迫辭職 was just calling to say that I was forced to quit my job recently, 成為自♥由♥撰稿人了 making me something of a free agent. 我知道以前 And I know in the past, uh, 你說我不是《泰♥晤♥士♥報(bào)♥》想要的人 you said I"m not exactly what The Times was looking for, 但我只是打來看看有沒有什么轉(zhuǎn)機(jī) but I was just calling to see if anything"s changed. 龍舌蘭酒 請(qǐng)給我回個(gè)電♥話♥

　非常感謝 Uh, just give me a ring. Thank you so much. 蘭斯

　我是弗雷德 Yo, Lance. It"s Fred. Um... 我失業(yè)了

　我很喪 I lost my job and I"m very sad. 我能去找你嗎 Can I come by? 我們需要安排一個(gè)會(huì)議 We need to schedule a meeting 看看他們有什么要說的 and see what they have to say.

　失陪 Excuse me. 我真不敢相信他們這樣對(duì)你 Man, I can"t believe they did you like that. 糟透了

　氣死我了 It"s fucked up. I"m pissed. 但是你會(huì)好起來的

　我們走吧 But you"re gonna feel a lot better, man, we"re leaving. 你現(xiàn)在就可以下班嗎 You can leave work right now? 我他媽的當(dāng)然可以下班了 Yeah, I can fucking leave. 你看到這間大辦公室了嗎 You see this corner office? 這表示我可以隨時(shí)離開 That"s a "I can leave this bitch 這個(gè)操蛋的地方 "whenever I want" corner office. 來吧

　哥們 Come on, man. 所有人注意 Everybody! 這是我最好的哥們

　他今天剛失業(yè) This is my best friend, and he just lost his job today. All right? 他心情爛到谷底 He"s at rock bottom. 還沒那么慘 It"s not that bad. 他心情差到極點(diǎn) He feels like shit. 我會(huì)讓他滿血復(fù)活的 And I"m gonna make him feel better. 從我們?cè)诖髮W(xué)起就有一個(gè)傳統(tǒng) It"s been a tradition since we were in college, 當(dāng)其中一個(gè)人喪的時(shí)候 when one of us feels sad, 另一個(gè)必須讓他嗨起來 the other one has to get him fucked up. 像小甜甜布蘭妮在 2005 年左右剃光頭 I"m talking Britney Spears, mid-2000s bald head, 差點(diǎn)把娃摔了那回那么嗨 almost dropping the baby fucked up. 不指點(diǎn)

　不評(píng)論 No judgement. No judgement.

　我需要取消我所有安排

　桑德爾 I need my schedule cleared, Zander. 我什么都不想干 I don"t want to do shit. 我明天之前都不在 I"m going off-grid till tomorrow. 要不這樣 Matter of fact... 大家都放假一天 Everybody"s got the day off. 大家都放假

　都放假 Everybody"s got the day off. Y"all got the day off. 所有人都下班吧 Everybody, go home. 我很感激你們所有人的辛苦工作 I"m so appreciative of all of you guys" hard work. 我愛你們每一個(gè)人 I love every single one of you. 除了你

　泰德 Except you, Ted! 星期五的百吉餅是給所有人的

　泰德 Bagel Friday is for everybody, Ted! 你覺得我們不知道是你拿走的嗎 You don"t think we know you taking the bagels? 對(duì)

　泰德

　爛透了 Yeah, Ted, not cool. 桑德爾 Zander. 在 Yeah? 我要兩聽葡萄柚汽水 I need two cans of the Pamplemousse La Croix. 里面加尊尼獲加藍(lán)牌威士忌和大♥麻♥油 I need that filled with Johnnie Walker Blue and CBD oil. 你要吧 Do you want one? 我被整慘了

　哥們 I got fucked, man. 你像色情片里的繼母一樣被整慘了 Yeah, you got fucked like a stepmom on Pornhub. 每個(gè)人都會(huì)攤上這種事 Well, it happens to everybody. 我以前也失業(yè)過

　爛透了 I"ve been unemployed before, it sucks.

　但我沒要任何施舍 But I didn"t ask for any handouts. 我憑一己之力站起來走到現(xiàn)在 I picked myself up by my bootstraps and got to it. 我們現(xiàn)在要去哪里 Where are we going right now? 史上最棒的一天

　弗雷德

　別操心了 Best day ever, Fred. Don"t worry about it. 我已經(jīng)安排了一個(gè)完美的下午 I"ve got this dope afternoon planned for us. 我們先喝完這些 First we"re going to finish these Pamplemousse"s. 再抽個(gè)煙 Play at the park. 然后去彼得·盧格餐廳 After that we"re going to go to Peter Luger"s, 給你來一份上好的牛排 get you a nice fat steak, 最后去世界野生動(dòng)物基金籌資會(huì) and then finish it off with a World Wildlife Fund benefit. 我不太想去那些有錢人的聚會(huì) I don"t know if I want to go to some fancy rich person party. 什么

　別這樣

　哥們

　別那么挑剔 What... Oh, come on, man, don"t be so judgmental, all right? 有免費(fèi)酒水

　還有熊貓 It"s free booze and there"ll be pandas and shit. 人們都喜歡熊貓 People love pandas and shit. 我不太想去 I don"t know. 好吧

　算了吧

　弗雷德 All right, fine, Fred. 那就什么都別做

　回家

　什么都不做 Then just do nothing. All right? Go home, do nothing. 別想跟你最好的朋友 And don"t kick it with your best friend 還有大人小孩雙拍檔一起玩 and Boyz II Men. 你說什么 Say what? 對(duì)了 Oh, yeah. 大人小孩雙拍檔會(huì)表演 Boyz II Men is bringing

　他們經(jīng)典的節(jié)奏布魯斯

　說唱 their timeless blend of R&B, hip-hop 和新杰克搖擺 and new jack swing to the party. 我還以為你想去呢 I thought you would like to be there. 大

　那個(gè)

　大人小孩雙拍檔 Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men? ? 摩城費(fèi)城

　再度歸來 ? ? Motownphilly"s back again ? 說的就是這個(gè)

　哥們

　我們走吧 That"s what I"m talking about, man. Let"s do this shit. 玩盡興

　嗨一天 Okay, let"s have fun. What a fun day. 我餓死了

　真是瘋了 I am so hungry, it"s insane. 你怎么不給我個(gè)能量棒吃 Why didn"t you PowerBar me? 我給過了

　你把我的手推開了 I tried, you pushed my hand away. 肉串兒

　我沒法優(yōu)雅地吃串兒 Skewered foods. I can"t eat skewered foods gracefully. 我吃起來他媽的像野人一樣 I look like a fucking caveman. 而且這里到處都有攝像頭 Yeah, and there are cameras everywhere. 這么做真會(huì)拉低你的優(yōu)雅分 That"s really gonna hurt your elegance score. 這可是我最好的分 That"s my best score. 草

　都是肉串兒 Fuck! It"s all skewered foods. 我給你擼點(diǎn)雞肉下來 I"m gonna take the chicken off the skewers. 快擼

　快點(diǎn)

　快點(diǎn) Take it off... Quickly. Quickly. 怎么這么難搞 Why do they make this so difficult... 對(duì)不起

　先生

　我的錯(cuò) Oh. I"m sorry, sir. I apologize. 真是見了鬼了

　敗事有余 Jesus fucking Christ. Can"t do things... 幫我弄個(gè)人墻

　人墻 Just make a fucking... Make a wall. Make a wall.

　-好

　-弄好了嗎 - Yup. - Do you have it? 好了 Yes. 好

　好

　一切正常 Good. Good, good, good, good. 我的天

　這雞肉太好吃了 Oh, my God, it"s really good chicken. 詹姆斯·斯圖爾德過來了 James Steward is approaching. 詹姆斯·斯圖爾德過來了 James Steward is approaching. 什么 What? 他離這不到三米 Okay, he"s about nine feet away. 他的雞雞離這兒只有兩米多點(diǎn) His dick is probably about seven feet away. 瑪吉 Maggie! 只有一米八了 Six feet away. 一米五了

　快點(diǎn)

　吐掉

　吐 Five feet away. Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit. -詹姆斯

　-晚上好 - James! - Bonsoir. -你好

　-晚上好 - Hi. - Good evening. 真的很闊惜 I am so sorry I missed you 前幾天在白宮的時(shí)候沒見到你 when I was at the White House a few weeks ago. 真的很闊惜嗎

　詹姆斯 Oh, are you so "sorry," James? 這個(gè)梗夠你玩幾年了哈 You"re never gonna stop making that joke, are you? 一直玩梗一直爽 No. I"m not. -我

　-打擾了 - Well, I... - Oh, hello. -好

　-好的 - Hi. - Oh, yes. 謝謝 Thank you.

　-再來一張

　-再來一張 - One more. One more. - One more. 謝謝

　謝啦 Merci. Thank you. 我們離開這怎么樣 What do you say we get out of here? 找個(gè)私密點(diǎn)的地方喝一杯 Grab a drink somewhere a bit more private. -好啊

　-真的 - Yes... - Yeah? 我的天 Oh, my God! 大家嗨起來

　躁起來 Make some noise out there! Make some noise! 耶

　切克鬧

　要 Yeah! Check it out, y"all! 問個(gè)問題

　我們是誰 One question, what"s the name of the group? 大人小孩雙拍檔 Boyz II men! 我們是誰

　要 What"s the name of the group, y"all? 大人小孩雙拍檔 Boyz II men! 大人小孩雙拍檔《摩城費(fèi)城》 ? 摩城費(fèi)城

　再度歸來 ?

　 ? Motownphilly"s back again ? ? 來一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)東海岸搖擺 ?

　 ? Doin" a little east coast swing ? ? 大人小孩雙拍檔就在這唱 ?

　 ? Boyz II Men going off ? ? 不急不緩

　不緊不慢 ?

　 ? Not too hard not too soft ? ? 姍姍來遲的這份 ?

　 ? It"s long overdue but now ? ? 躁動(dòng)與喧囂 ?

　 ? Philly is slammin" ? ? 大人小孩雙拍檔甲乙丙乙乙丁 ?

　 ? Boyz II Men ABC BBD ? 我說這酷斃了吧 I told you this would be dope. 對(duì)

　我頓時(shí)倍兒精神 Yeah, uh... This is really cheering me up. ? 開著黑色大奔

　朋友遍天下 ?

　? Jet black Benz plenty of friends ? ? 還可享遍費(fèi)城的牛排 ?

　 ? And all the Philly steaks you could eat ? ? 在校的每一天 ?

　 ? Back in school ? ? 我們都?jí)粝胫�這些 ?

　 ? we used to dream about this everyday ? 我穿得遜斃了 I"m super underdressed. 別抱怨了 Stop complaining, all right? 你能不舒服到哪去 You think you feel outta place? 這是迄今為止我待過的 This is one of the brightest rooms I"ve ever been in, 最白的地方 in my life. 白

　哪個(gè)白 Bright? What do you mean, bright? 白人的白 Like white. -白人的白

　-對(duì) - Oh, "bright" is white? - Yeah, man. 就我和服務(wù)員以及大人小孩雙拍檔是黑人 It"s only me, the waiters and Boyz II Men. 已經(jīng)有三個(gè)人說他們喜歡我的音樂 I"ve already had three people tell me they love my music. ? 來一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)東海岸搖擺 ?

　 ? Doin" a little east coast swing ? ? 大人小孩雙拍檔就在這唱 ?

　 ? Boyz II Men going off ? 公事來了 Duty calls. 那支舞我們改日再約 I"ll take a snow check on that dance. -這是加拿大版本的改天再約

　-好的 - Canadian for "rain check." - Okay. 好的 Okay. ? 萬眾矚目 ?

　 ? watch us do this ? ? 就在費(fèi)城現(xiàn)場(chǎng)表演 ?

　 ? Live and direct from Philly town ? 哥們你喝得有點(diǎn)多啊

　Man, you"re pounding "em kinda hard, don"t you think? 我今天被炒了 I got fired today, man. 你明明說是辭職 You told me you quit. 我是被迫辭職的

　因?yàn)?I was forced to quit because of... 無所謂 Yeah, okay, man. 隨便編 Lie to me some more. 你沒事吧 You good? 靠

　國(guó)務(wù)卿本卿在看我們嗎 Shit. Is the secretary of state looking at us? 她在看你嗎 Oh, she"s looking at you? 弗雷德 Fred. 弗雷德

　搞什么

　什么情況 Fred. What the hell? What was that? 問你話呢

　什么情況 Damn. Hey, what was that? 我 I... 我好像

　好像見過她 Kinda... I kinda know her. Okay? -你好像見過她

　-對(duì) - You kinda know her? - Yeah. 誰沒見過夏洛特·菲爾德啊 Nobody kinda knows Charlotte Field, all right? 要是你好像見過美人魚的話 It"s like kinda knowing a mermaid, dude. 還可以說來聽聽

　畢竟大家都沒見過 You tell people that shit. That"s exceptional. 好吧

　我給你講個(gè)事 Okay. I"ll tell you a story. 那年我 13 歲

　她 16 歲 So, I"m like 13, she"s like 16. 她是我的保姆 She"s my babysitter.

　Boyz II Men 《It"s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday》 她很完美

　待我很好

　She"s like, perfect. She"s very nice to me, 對(duì)我很有幫助 which goes a long way with me. 有一次我們?cè)谒�家�?So, we"re at her house... 她在練習(xí)演講自己寫的稿子 She"s practicing a speech that she"s writing. 準(zhǔn)備競(jìng)選學(xué)生會(huì)主席 She"s running for Student Council president. 你知道每年 Did you know that every year, 學(xué)校會(huì)扔掉 500 多噸♥的可回收垃圾嗎 the school throws away over 500 tons of recyclable garbage? -根本沒人在乎

　-對(duì)

　太糟糕了 - And no one cares. - I know, it"s total bullshit. 但你怎么讓那些蠢貨在乎 But how do you get idiots to care about shit 這些東西呢 they don"t care about? 他們會(huì)在乎的 They"ll just care 因?yàn)檫@是一件值得在乎的事 because it"s the right thing to care about. 喬治·布♥什♥總統(tǒng)和丹·奎爾副總統(tǒng)加起來 You"re more inspiring than George Bush 也沒有你更能鼓舞人心 and Dan Quayle combined. 其實(shí)這不難 Well, that"s not too hard. 她很棒

　很聰明 Well, she was amazing, and she was smart, 而且她好像有點(diǎn)喜歡我 and she seemed to kinda like me, 我覺我們也有一瞬間 and I felt like we were having a moment. 你懂我意思嗎

　就是心動(dòng)的一瞬間 You know what I mean? Like a romantic moment. 靠 Oh, shit. 所以我做了件事 So I did something, 現(xiàn)在想想非常不合適 that in retrospect was highly inappropriate. 我吻了她

　I kissed her. 我低頭一看 I looked down... 我那 13 歲的小♥弟♥弟♥竟然勃起了 I got a fucking 13-year-old boner, man! -天哪

　-很硬

　雖然不大 - Oh! - Hard... But not big. 但是很硬

　它好像在宣告 But hard. And pronounced, 13 歲的勃起 "13-year-old boner." 對(duì)不起 Sorry. 她看見了

　看見了

　然后她說 And she looks at it. She sees it. And she goes... 沒關(guān)系 It"s okay. 然后 And then, 她男朋友在隔壁房♥間 her boyfriend comes into the room, 剛看完電視劇《Blossom》走進(jìn)來 who was in the other room watching Blossom! 寶貝 Hey, babe. 他媽的指著我的小♥弟♥弟♥ Points out my fucking little boner. -嘲笑我

　-看吶 - He makes a joke! - Whoa! 然后他們就走了 And they left. 對(duì)不起 I"m sorry. 留下我和那 13 歲的勃起小♥弟♥弟♥ And I"m left standing there alone... in the kitchen, 孤獨(dú)地待在廚房♥里 with my little, hard 13-year-old fucking boner. 硬得像石頭一樣 Hard as a rock. 另外他媽的那個(gè)競(jìng)選她輸了 And on top of that, she didn"t win the fucking election. 比爾·斯特林贏了 Bill Sterling won 他以兩個(gè)舞會(huì)贏了

　because he ran on a two-prom platform. -兩個(gè)舞會(huì)

　-兩個(gè)連續(xù)的舞會(huì) - Two-prom! - Two-proms! Back-to-back! 她根本沒有贏的機(jī)會(huì) She didn"t stand a fucking chance. 是沒有 No, man. 我覺得你忽略了故事的主要情節(jié) I think you"re skimming over the best part of that story. 什么主要情節(jié) What"s the best part of that story? 她說你的小♥弟♥弟♥可以 She says your boner was okay. 她之所以說可以 She said, "It"s okay," like she was trying 只是想讓我覺得心里好受些 to not make me fucking feel bad. 弗雷德

　你覺得這是個(gè)糟糕的故事 Fred, you see a fucked-up story, 而我覺得這是個(gè)

　你喜歡的美麗姑娘 when I see a beautiful story about a girl that you liked, 也喜歡你的小♥弟♥弟♥的純愛故事 liking your boner in all of its okay-ness. 你今晚就去跟她聊聊 You need to talk to her tonight. 她可能都不記得我了 She probably doesn"t remember who I am. 就算她記得我 If she does remember who I am, 她最不想要的就是 the last thing she wants is 我挺著 13 歲的小♥弟♥弟♥那種沖動(dòng)向她走去 my 13-year-old-boner having fucking ass walking up to her. -聽著

　-打擾下 - Look... - Excuse me. 國(guó)務(wù)卿菲爾德女士想和你談?wù)?Secretary Field would like to speak with you. 和我 With me? 是和他嗎 With him, right? -對(duì)

　-現(xiàn)在 - Yeah. - Right now? 知道為什么嗎

　Uh, do you know why? 跟我來 This way. 太好了 This is good. 你緊張什么 What are you nervous about? 搞什么

　我剛才不是都告訴你了嗎 What the fuck? Everything I just said! ? 我將珍藏這段回憶 ?

　 ? And I"ll take with me the memories ? ? 讓它成為我心頭陰郁后的陽光 ?

　 ? To be my sunshine after the rain ? 我的天

　她就在那 Oh, my God, dude, there she is. 你要跟她說什么 What are you gonna say to her? 不知道 I don"t know. 一上來就否定她 Should open with a neg. 就說她太高了 Tell her she"s too tall. 我才不會(huì)否定國(guó)務(wù)卿呢 I"m not gonna neg the secretary of state. 很高興見到你 It was so nice to see you. 我也是 You as well. 需要我的時(shí)候給我個(gè)信♥號(hào)♥♥ Give me the signal when you need me. -你好

　-你好 - Hi. - Hi. 我被人帶過來的 A man brought me here. 抱歉 Yes, sorry about that. 沒事

　我不介意 Um... No, not at all. 我對(duì)你有種似曾相識(shí)的感覺 I can"t shake this feeling that we know each other. -我們認(rèn)識(shí)

　-我們認(rèn)識(shí) - We do. - We do? 對(duì)

　Yeah. 我們的確認(rèn)識(shí) We do know each other. 所以不是我錯(cuò)覺 Okay, so I"m not crazy. -我是弗雷德

　-弗雷德 - Uh, I"m Fred. - Fred... 那時(shí)我更矮點(diǎn) I was shorter, -但除此之外

　-弗拉斯基 - but other than that... - Flarsky? 對(duì)

　我♥草♥ Yeah! Holy fuck! 難以置信

　你竟然記得 I can"t believe it. You remember. 我的天

　看看你 Oh, my God, look at you! 看看我 Look at me, yes. 你怎么在這 What are you doing here? 我朋友蘭斯

　那是蘭斯 My friend, Lance... That"s Lance. 你好嗎 Hey, how you doing? 他帶我來看大人小孩雙拍檔 He, uh, he just brought me here to see Boyz II Men. 我剛剛見了他們 I just met them. -你見到他們了

　-對(duì) - You met the Men? - Yeah. -感覺如何

　-別告訴別人 - What was it like? - Don"t tell anybody, 我覺得這是我人生中最精彩的部分 but it was the highlight of my life. 我完全理解 Oh, I totally get that. 我還見了達(dá)♥賴♥喇♥嘛♥ And I"ve met the Dalai Lama. 草他 Fuck him. 他有幾首熱歌♥啊

　一首也沒有 How many hits does he have? None. -不要真的草他

　他是個(gè)好人

　-對(duì)

　- Don"t actually fuck him. He"s a wonderful man. - Yeah. 最近在忙什么

　肯定是很贊的事情 What are you doing these days? I bet it"s something amazing. -確實(shí)很贊

　-恩 - It"s pretty amazing. - Yeah. 但是處于醞釀期吧 Uh, yeah, but it"s still in its, uh, gestation period, I guess. 還沒開始做呢 I don"t need to get into it. 你呢

　你平時(shí)忙什么 What about you, what have you been up to? 你是國(guó)務(wù)卿

　我說笑的 You"re the secretary... I"m joking. 我知道你在忙什么

　對(duì)

　你非常 I know what you"ve been up to. Yeah. You"re very, um... 我只是

　我只是想說 You know, I just, I... I just wanna say it"s, like, 很高興看到你取得今天的成績(jī) amazing to see what you"ve done with your life. 很多人嘴上說要干一番大事 A lot of people say they"re gonna do 但從沒付諸行動(dòng) all this incredible stuff and they don"t do anything, 但你卻做到了

　祝賀你 but you actually did it all, so, congrats. 我還在努力 Well, I"m trying. 你已經(jīng)做到了 I think you"ve done it. 帕克·�？怂� Parker Wembley. 我煩死這個(gè)人了 I hate this guy. 帕克·�？怂�

　賣♥♥報(bào)紙的 Parker Wembley, the guy who buys and sells newspapers 還認(rèn)為颶風(fēng)是同性結(jié)婚造成的 and thinks that hurricanes are caused by gay marriage? 你認(rèn)識(shí)他 You know him? 他過來了 He"s coming over here. -在我后面嗎

　-對(duì) - Is he behind me?

　- Yeah. 終于見到你了

　國(guó)務(wù)卿菲爾德

　Finally. Secretary Field. 帕克

　你好嗎 Parker, how are you? 你今晚真是美得不可方物 You are looking particularly gorgeous tonight. 謝謝 Thank you. 這幾個(gè)月來我一直在努力聯(lián)♥系♥你 I... I"ve been trying to set a meeting with you 想安排個(gè)見面 for some months now, and, uh... 你是在躲我嗎 I mean, have you been avoiding me? 沒有

　沒有 No! No. 看來我還是沒躲過 Not successful...

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