簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話篇一：經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話

經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話 英語(yǔ)笑話（一）

英語(yǔ)老師問(wèn)一個(gè)學(xué)生，“How are you是什么意思” 學(xué)生想how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你？” 老師生氣又問(wèn)另一個(gè)同學(xué)：“How old are you ?是什么意思？”

這個(gè)同學(xué)想了想說(shuō)：“怎么老是你。

英語(yǔ)笑話（二）

老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money.并讓同學(xué)們翻譯。有名學(xué)生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗�！�

英語(yǔ)笑話（三）

小明上英文課時(shí)跟老師說(shuō)：May I go to the toilet? 老師說(shuō)：Go ahead.

小明就坐了下來(lái)。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，小明又跟老師說(shuō)：May I go to the toilet?

老師說(shuō)：Go ahead.

小明又坐了下來(lái)。他旁邊的同學(xué)于是忍不住問(wèn)：你不是跟老師說(shuō)要上廁所嗎？怎么不去？

小明說(shuō)：你沒(méi)聽(tīng)老師說(shuō)「去你個(gè)頭」��！

英語(yǔ)笑話（四）

某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hongtao liu，外賓

曰：我TM還是方片七呢！

英語(yǔ)笑話（五）

江青會(huì)見(jiàn)外賓，要求翻譯要嚴(yán)格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。外賓一見(jiàn)到江青，立刻拍馬屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻譯照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：“哪里，哪里”。

翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問(wèn)哪里漂亮的，干脆馬屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."

翻譯：“你到處都很漂亮。”江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：“不見(jiàn)得，不見(jiàn)得”。翻譯趕緊翻成英文：

"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英語(yǔ)笑話（六）

話說(shuō)某年某月的某一天，叁個(gè)神箭手約在一起比箭，目標(biāo)是十尺外仆人頭上的蘋果。A神箭手挽弓長(zhǎng)射，咻一聲，利箭正中蘋果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I am后羿！」

B神箭手照本宣科，射中蘋果，這回他自大的喊了一句：「I am丘比特！」

輪到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 結(jié)果正中仆人的心臟。就聽(tīng)他結(jié)結(jié)巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...am...sorry...」

英語(yǔ)笑話（七）

某人刻苦學(xué)習(xí)英語(yǔ)，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞， 忙說(shuō)：I am sorry.

老外應(yīng)道：I am sorry too.

某人聽(tīng)后又道：I am sorry three.

老外不解，問(wèn)：What are you sorry for?

某人無(wú)奈，道：I am sorry five.

一個(gè)中國(guó)人（當(dāng)然是外語(yǔ)不大好的啦）踩了一個(gè)老外的腳，為了顯示咱國(guó)家是有名的禮儀之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是禮貌有加，就來(lái)個(gè)sorry too.

two?the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中國(guó)人還不是得禮尚往來(lái)？！~那就I am sorry three~

這下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for?

暈，還有完沒(méi)完啊，還FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，I am sorry five~(who怕 who？！~）

英語(yǔ)笑話（八）

一位來(lái)自日本的旅客，坐出租車去機(jī)場(chǎng)的路上，看到一輛汽車經(jīng)過(guò)，就說(shuō)：“oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一輛經(jīng)過(guò)，他又說(shuō)： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司機(jī)有點(diǎn)不高興，覺(jué)得他太吵了！當(dāng)?shù)谌�輛經(jīng)過(guò)時(shí)，他還是說(shuō)：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”

后來(lái)到了機(jī)場(chǎng)，那個(gè)日本人就問(wèn)：“How Much？”出租車司機(jī)說(shuō)：“1000！”

日本人驚奇的問(wèn)司機(jī)：“為什么那么貴？”出租車司機(jī)回答說(shuō)：“oh，mileometer（計(jì) 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”

英語(yǔ)笑話（九）

一位在美的留學(xué)生,想要考國(guó)際駕照.在考試時(shí)因?yàn)檫^(guò)于緊張,看到地上標(biāo)線是向左轉(zhuǎn).

他不放心的問(wèn)道:turn left?

監(jiān)考官回答:right.

于是他立刻向右轉(zhuǎn).

很抱歉他只有下次再來(lái).

英語(yǔ)笑話（十）

一位中國(guó)學(xué)生在美國(guó)加州目睹了一起交通事故,由于好奇一直沒(méi)有離開(kāi).

警察來(lái)了以后問(wèn)他知不知道事情的經(jīng)過(guò),

he said:"one car come, one car go, two car peng peng, one car die.

英語(yǔ)笑話（十一）

小強(qiáng)去看電影，到了電影售票處，發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)老外和售票小姐連說(shuō)帶比得好半天，就自告奮勇的上前做翻譯，售票小姐說(shuō)：麻煩你告訴她，現(xiàn)在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要

看要站著看。

小強(qiáng)轉(zhuǎn)頭就對(duì)老外說(shuō)：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.

老外回答說(shuō):Sorry I don’t understand your English. 小強(qiáng)就對(duì)售票小姐說(shuō)：哦，他說(shuō)他不懂英文.....英語(yǔ)笑話（十二）

上高中的時(shí)候，英語(yǔ)老師英文水平頗高，無(wú)奈漢語(yǔ)不佳。某日上課，老師講解"獨(dú)立結(jié)構(gòu)"，舉一經(jīng)典例句："Our teacher comes into the classroom, book under arm." 然后翻譯成中文："老師進(jìn)了教室，胯下夾 著一本書。"頓時(shí)課堂上狂笑不已。

英語(yǔ)笑話（十三）

上初中時(shí)，英文老師講到英文字詞的詞根：Landlord地主，是由land土地，lord主人，兩部分組成的－－"土地"＋"主人"就是"地主".接著，老師又向大家提問(wèn)：motherland是什么意思？"地主婆！"大家異口同聲回答。

英語(yǔ)笑話（十一）

70年代學(xué)校里學(xué)英文，第一課是：Long Live Chairman Mao. 我等愚笨之輩第一次接觸英文，背誦不 出，于是在英文下面加 注，曰：狼來(lái)了牽著貓。

英語(yǔ)笑話（十一）

某男約某女晚上看電影，約定會(huì)面地點(diǎn)后，該男道：I no

簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話篇二：簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話帶翻譯

Blonde's Appendicitis-金發(fā)美女的闌尾炎

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."

The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

一個(gè)金發(fā)美女的腹部側(cè)面感到劇痛。醫(yī)生檢查之后告訴他：“你得了急性闌尾炎。（金發(fā)美女聽(tīng)成acute 以為是a cute，一個(gè)可愛(ài)的闌尾炎）”

金發(fā)美女說(shuō)：“您真貼心，醫(yī)生，但是我是來(lái)求醫(yī)的�！�

Little Johnny... Finding Jesus 小強(qiáng)尼-尋找耶穌

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."Mary answers, "He's in my heart."Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this."Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"一名主日學(xué)校的老師擔(dān)心他的學(xué)生們有可能對(duì)耶穌感到困惑，于是他問(wèn)他的學(xué)生們：“耶穌今天在哪里？”斯蒂芬舉起他的手，說(shuō)道：“他在天堂。”瑪麗回答：“他在我心里。”小強(qiáng)尼用力揮了揮手，脫口而出：“他在我們?cè)∈依铮　贝蟪砸惑@的老師問(wèn)小強(qiáng)尼他怎么知道這個(gè)�！斑@個(gè)嘛，”小強(qiáng)尼說(shuō)：“每天早上，我父親起床后，都會(huì)敲浴室的門喊著?基督-耶穌，你還在里面�。�?”

Little Johnny... Know It All 小強(qiáng)尼什么都知道

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"小強(qiáng)尼問(wèn)他母親的年齡是多少。她回答道：“紳士們是不會(huì)問(wèn)女士們這個(gè)問(wèn)題的。”于是強(qiáng)尼問(wèn)他母親她的體重是多少。他的母親再一次回答：“紳士們是不會(huì)問(wèn)女士們這個(gè)問(wèn)題的�！庇谑沁@孩紙問(wèn)：“為什么爸爸離開(kāi)了你？”對(duì)于這個(gè)問(wèn)題，這位母親說(shuō)：“你不應(yīng)該問(wèn)這個(gè)問(wèn)題�！比缓蟀阉�送回他自己的房間。在走的時(shí)候，強(qiáng)尼被他母親的錢包絆倒。當(dāng)他把錢包撿起來(lái)的時(shí)候，她的駕照掉了出來(lái)。強(qiáng)尼跑回母親的房間說(shuō)：“現(xiàn)在關(guān)于你的問(wèn)題我都知道答案了。你36歲了，體重127磅，還有爸爸離開(kāi)你的原因是因?yàn)槟阍趕ex上的考評(píng)是F！”（got an 'F' in sex，孩紙啊，你想歪了，那是“性別：女”啊……）

Little Johnny... Definite Definition 小強(qiáng)尼-肯定的定義

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue.""That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."幼兒園老師說(shuō)：“我們今天要做詞匯題了。誰(shuí)能在句子里運(yùn)用“肯定”這個(gè)詞？”瑪麗舉了手大聲說(shuō)：“我我我！”老師說(shuō)：“你說(shuō)吧，什么句子？”瑪麗回答：“天空肯定是藍(lán)藍(lán)的�！薄盎卮鸬貌诲e(cuò)，瑪麗”老師點(diǎn)評(píng)道：“但天空也可能是灰色或者白色的�！鄙侥放e手說(shuō)道：“草地肯定是綠色的�！崩蠋熣f(shuō)：“回答得不錯(cuò)，山姆，但是草地也可能是棕色的。”小強(qiáng)尼舉手問(wèn)道：“屁會(huì)結(jié)成塊兒?jiǎn)�？”老師說(shuō)：“不會(huì)的，強(qiáng)尼，你為什么問(wèn)這個(gè)問(wèn)題？”小強(qiáng)尼回答：“好吧，我“肯定”大便在褲襠里了。”

經(jīng)同意轉(zhuǎn)載自：

簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話篇三：短篇英語(yǔ)笑話10則帶翻譯

短篇英語(yǔ)笑話10則帶翻譯

① Goldfish金魚

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

Stan: In the bathroom 。

Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛） them!

=================================================================== 斯丹：我贏了 92 條金魚。

弗雷德：你想在哪兒養(yǎng)它們？

斯丹：浴室。

弗雷德：但是你想洗澡時(shí)怎么辦？

斯丹：蒙住它們的眼睛！

② The Revenge 欺騙的代價(jià)

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

=================================================================== 老農(nóng)約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沉地對(duì)妻子說(shuō)：“我死后，我想你嫁給農(nóng)夫瓊斯�！� 妻子說(shuō)：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁給任何人。” 約翰遜：“但我希望你這么做�！� 妻子：“為什么？” 約翰遜：“因?yàn)榄偹乖�在一筆販馬的交易中欺騙了我�！�

③ I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只雞

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

=================================================================== 精神病醫(yī)師：你哪里不舒服？

病人：我認(rèn)為我是一只雞。

精神病醫(yī)師：這種情況從什么時(shí)候開(kāi)始的？

病人：從我還是一只蛋的時(shí)候開(kāi)始。

④ How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出來(lái)

Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?"

===================================================================

當(dāng)空中小姐給乘客們發(fā)口香糖的時(shí)候，她解釋說(shuō)口香糖有助于他們防止耳鳴。飛機(jī)著陸后，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說(shuō)道：“ 我馬上就要見(jiàn)到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖從耳朵里面取出來(lái)呢？”

⑤ Where Am I 我在哪兒

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir." =================================================================

一個(gè)英國(guó)人在鄉(xiāng)下開(kāi)車時(shí)迷了路，他看見(jiàn)一個(gè)農(nóng)民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把車開(kāi)過(guò)去問(wèn)那位農(nóng)民：“勞駕，您能告訴我我現(xiàn)在這是在哪兒?jiǎn)�？�?“可以。”農(nóng)夫奇怪地看了看他，然后說(shuō)道：“你現(xiàn)在在你的車子里，先生�！�

⑥ Why do you never phone me?你為什么不給我打電話？

Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a town and went ant lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way from his mother's village, and she was not happy about this, but Geoff said, "There isn't any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week." Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her son's house in Greensea. Then she said to him, "Geoff, why do you never phone me?" Geoff laughed. "But, Mother", he said, "you haven't got a phone." "No," she answered, "I haven't, but YOU'VE got one!"

====================================================================== 我會(huì)告訴你這篇沒(méi)有中文翻譯嗎。。。

⑦ The Same Action Yields the Same Result相同的投資相同的結(jié)果

A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly the(來(lái)自:www.huhawan.com 蒲公英文 摘:簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話)m to a forest, and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane. But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind." Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well." So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area. The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?" The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."

====================================================================== 有兩個(gè)獵人包機(jī)前往一座森林，到了以后，他們和飛行員約定好兩周后來(lái)接。兩周后，他們射了許多動(dòng)物，而且打算把這些動(dòng)物全部搬上那架小飛機(jī)，可是飛行員說(shuō)：“這架飛機(jī)除了

一頭野牛外，沒(méi)辦法再多載了。你們必須把其他的獵物都留下。” 獵人說(shuō)：“但是去年另一個(gè)飛行員開(kāi)一樣的飛機(jī)，就讓我們帶兩只水牛，還有一些其他的動(dòng)物上機(jī)！” 因?yàn)樗麄冞@樣抗議，所以那個(gè)新飛行員想了一想后，盡管還是有點(diǎn)存疑，最后還是妥協(xié)說(shuō)：“好吧！如果去年可以做到，今年應(yīng)該也可以。”所以他裝了兩頭水牛和一些其他的動(dòng)物。結(jié)果飛機(jī)起飛五分鐘后，就墜落在鄰近的地方。這3個(gè)人從飛機(jī)爬出來(lái)看了看四周，其中一個(gè)獵人對(duì)另一個(gè)說(shuō)：“你認(rèn)為我們現(xiàn)在在哪兒？” 那個(gè)人瞧了一下，說(shuō)：“我想大概距離去年墜機(jī)的地方西邊一英哩遠(yuǎn)！”

⑧ Chief is at the wedding 長(zhǎng)官在婚禮上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back."

"But ,officer, I …."

"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

====================================================================== 大街上的一個(gè)超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。“但是警官”這個(gè)人說(shuō)道，“我可以解釋的”。 “保持安靜”，警察突然說(shuō)道。“我將把你送往監(jiān)獄，直到長(zhǎng)官回來(lái)。“但是，警察，我，，，”。 “我說(shuō)過(guò)了保持安靜，你要到監(jiān)獄了�！睅仔�時(shí)后，警察向監(jiān)獄里看了看說(shuō)道“算你運(yùn)氣好，因?yàn)槲覀兊拈L(zhǎng)官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著一個(gè)愉快的心情回來(lái)的�！� “你確定”在牢房里的這個(gè)人說(shuō)道。“我就是新郎呀”。

⑨ Who Is the Laziest 誰(shuí)最懶

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?

Tom: I don't know, father.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

Tom: Our teacher, father.

====================================================================== 父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過(guò)，現(xiàn)在我想問(wèn)你個(gè)問(wèn)題。你們班上誰(shuí)最懶？湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。父親：啊，不對(duì)，你知道！想想看，當(dāng)別的孩子們都在做作業(yè)、寫字時(shí)，誰(shuí)在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。

⑩ Two Birds 兩只鳥

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

====================================================================== 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰(shuí)能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老師：請(qǐng)說(shuō)說(shuō)看。學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

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