英語笑話故事篇一：看笑話學英語笑話大全爆笑翻譯

1.One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一個城市里的游客來到一個小鄉(xiāng)村，在鄉(xiāng)間路上開著車，想看看農莊是什么樣子，也想看看農夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城里人看見一位農夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城里人對農夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農夫 回答說，"時間對豬有什么意義?"

2.The Looney Bin

Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

瘋人院

一天晚上，在瘋人院里，一個病人說：“我是拿破侖！”另一個說：“你怎么知道？”第一個人說：“上帝對我說的！”一會兒，一個聲音從另一個房間傳來：“我沒說！”

Notes:

（1）Looney (俚語）瘋子

（2）inmate （n.同住者, 同室者(特指在醫(yī)院、監(jiān)獄)）

（3）insane asylum (瘋人院）

3.Boxing and Running

Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."

Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

拳擊和賽跑

丹在教他的兒子怎樣拳擊。他告訴他的朋友：“這是一個粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的兒子怎么去拼搏�！�

朋友：“如果他碰上的對手是一個比他高大，健壯而且也會拳擊的人怎么辦？”

丹：“我也會教他怎么樣賽跑呢。”

NOTE

come up against 遇到一個對手 against表示相對的相反的

4.The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.

So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?"

George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

典獄長對獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因為每逢周末的探訪日，大多數(shù)囚犯都有家人或朋友來訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。

因此在一個探訪日，典獄長把喬治叫到辦公室說：“喬治，我注意到從來沒有人來探望過你�！彼麧M懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒有任何朋友或家人嗎？”

喬治回答：“喔！當然有，典獄長，只不過他們全都在這里面！”

5.Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人搶你的手表時，你為什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發(fā)現(xiàn)我的四顆金牙。那就更糟了。

6.A shoplifter（商店扒手）51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook（騙子，壞蛋） looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時候被當場擒獲�！奥犞�，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當什么也沒發(fā)生，你看怎樣？”

經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。"

7.The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by asentry（哨兵） . When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams（縫合線） . [來自我要看笑話51kxh.cn]

"What's in here?" he asked.

"Dirt," the driver replied.

"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once a

gain, he found nothing but soil.

The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender（酒保） .

英語笑話故事篇二：英語幽默小故事

英語幽默小故事2008-02-20 17:12

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說�！霸僖姷剿�你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說�！八�的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢？ 他的耳朵在我衣兜里

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy." A Good Boy

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 “昨天給你的錢干什么了？” 好孩子

“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說“再給你兩分錢�？赡銥槭裁磳δ俏焕咸�太那么感興趣呢？“她是個賣糖果的�！�

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied theboy.

由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。好客

面試人員給一位前來應征的男士一張履歷表，于是就填了這樣的信息——

姓名：English or Chinese□英文的還是中文的？

年齡：Confidential（這是私人問題）

身高：Not related to the job（這跟工作有關系么）

體重：Varies all the time before lunch or after（隨時改變飯前飯后都不同

居住地：At what stage of my life please be more specific（那是一個特別的地方，我生命的舞臺）

電話：Ericsson（愛立信手機）

電子郵件：Only give to pretty and rich girls（只留給漂亮和富有的女孩） 上班時間：The shorter the better（越短越好）

應征職位：A position that has not much to do but surround by pretty and young girls（找一個不做什么實事，但能被美女包圍的職位）

學歷：Graduated at the wild chicken university（畢業(yè)于一個你找不著的大學 語言能力：Fluent in bullshits（侃大山是專長）

興趣：Sleeping and sleeping（睡得天昏地暗）

生日：正月初七

經(jīng)歷：Fooling around all the time（游戲人生）

曾任職位：Decent or not decent□please be more specific（高級的或者低級的都是一種經(jīng)歷）

已婚未婚：Still looking for a rich and beautiful girl□hopefully can find in your company（我正在尋找漂亮又富有的女孩，希望在你們公司能找到

未來期望：Have a speech on stage and retire as soon as possible（只負責主席臺

講話，并且希望盡早退休）

希望待遇：Lesser workload the better（比實際工作量拿得多就行

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

老鼠的第二語言也重要

一只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。母老鼠向著貓叫道："汪，汪，汪"，貓聽了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說："現(xiàn)在你知道外語的重要性了吧。"

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won. 他贏了

湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？ 約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。 湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。

There was a barber in a developing country who had a little shed at the roadside to cut hair, and a certain man used to come in regularly for haircuts. One day he noticed that a dog was always sitting underneath, near the chair where the customers sat for their haircuts. So the man asked the barber, "Is that your dog?" And the barber replied, "No, he always comes every day. It's not my dog. I don't know whose dog it is." Then the customer asked, "So if i

t's not your dog, you never feed him, right?" And the barber said, "No." And the customer said, "Then why does he always come here every day?" And the barber answered, "He's waiting in case an ear comes off." A Very Patient Pooch

一處簡陋的鄉(xiāng)下，一位理發(fā)師傅在路邊的小棚子幫人理發(fā)。有位經(jīng)常 來理發(fā)的男士，注意到有一只狗老是喜歡坐在客人的座椅旁邊，于是 他問師傅：那是你的狗嗎？師傅答：不，不是我的狗，我不知 道那是誰的狗，不過，它每天都會來。那個客人又問：不是你的狗，那你從來沒有喂過它嗎？師傅回答：沒有�？腿擞謫�:那它為什么每天都來？師傅回答：它在等看看有沒有耳朵掉下來。 耐心的狗

英語笑話故事篇三：小學生英語幽默故事(超全版,中英雙語)

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”

故事2 十塊糖

媽媽問兒子：“吉姆， 如果你有10塊糖，吃了4塊，那你還有幾塊糖？” “10塊�！奔�姆說。

“10塊？”媽媽問。

“是的，媽媽。因為4塊在我的肚子里面，6塊在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不對嗎？”

小學生英語故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7頁）、普通小故事（7-40頁）。激發(fā)小朋友們學英語的興趣，幫助他們提高成績。最好每天背一篇，會有不錯的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

老板最大 有個人到一間商店買鸚鵡。店里有三只鸚鵡，其中一只賣五千元，另一只賣一萬元，還有一只賣三萬元。顧客問老板：「為什么這只要賣五千元？這個價錢對這種鸚鵡來說太貴了！」老板說：「因為我有訓練他講話�！诡櫩陀謫枺骸改沁@只呢？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「他除了會說話之外，還會表演一些有趣的動作，好比說跳舞等等，所以才賣這么貴�！诡櫩徒又�又問：「那第三只呢？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「我不知道。我從沒聽過他講話、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒看過他跳舞，什么都沒有！不過另外兩只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg?

Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.

雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？

學生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。

老師：“雞蛋”在哪？

學生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him, “Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

湯姆是個小孩， 他才7歲。 當他去電影院的時候。那時他第一次去。他買了張票進去了。 但沒過兩三分鐘他就出來了，然后買了第二張票又進去了。 幾分鐘后他又出來買了第三張票。 接著兩三分鐘后他又出來買票。 一個女的問她，“你為什么要買那么多票啊? 你見到了幾個朋友？" "沒有， 我里面沒朋友， 但是每當我進門的時候一位大的女人老把我的票給剪了"

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.

Man:He is really somebody.What does do?

Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery

他真是一個大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000個人。

男人：他真是一個大人物。他是干什么的？

小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名偉人

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會是一名偉人嗎？

學生：當然。因為到目前為止，還沒有人活到400多歲。

Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.

Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.

史密斯先生：服務員，我的湯里有一只死蒼蠅．

服務員：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被燙死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。

父親：兒子，你不認為你已經(jīng)長大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了)，不是嗎？

兒子：爸爸，我想你是對的，那給我一塊錢行嗎？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son. I?m still paying.”

有個小孩愛上了另一個小孩，對方是學校的同學。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時會

迷戀班上某個人，然后就以為自己戀愛了。因此這個八歲的小孩回家問他爸爸：「爸爸，結婚很花錢嗎？」爸爸說：「是啊，兒子，非�；ㄥX�！箖鹤佑謫枺骸敢�花多少錢呢？」爸爸說：「我不知道，兒子，我到現(xiàn)在還一直在付錢��！」

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”

“沒有，老師�？墒悄阕蛱煺f你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面�！�

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元�！�

“20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元�！�

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了�！�

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理�，F(xiàn)在，誰給我舉個例子？

約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。

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