英語(yǔ)小故事簡(jiǎn)單的幽默篇一：英語(yǔ)幽默小故事9篇

英語(yǔ)幽默小故事9篇(帶翻譯)如下：

1、Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for

mayhem to ensue.

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".

中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)

蘇州福斯特英語(yǔ)三個(gè)互相爭(zhēng)生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。

右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書(shū)：“大減價(jià)!”“特便宜!”左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱(chēng)：“大砍價(jià)!”“大折扣!”

中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個(gè)大招牌，上面只簡(jiǎn)單地寫(xiě)著：“入口處”。

2、Very Pleased to Meet You

army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."

蘇州福斯特英語(yǔ)"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said."Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."

"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營(yíng)中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個(gè)大軍營(yíng)中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞會(huì)上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對(duì)她說(shuō)，“我明天就要出國(guó)，但如果我們能夠相互寫(xiě)信，我會(huì)很高興。”瓊同意了，于是他們幾個(gè)月里一直通著信。

英格蘭的某個(gè)部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。

瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對(duì)護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“我來(lái)看望軍官漢弗雷斯�！�

“這里只有親屬可以探望病人。”護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)。

“噢，是的，”瓊說(shuō)，“我是他的妹妹�！�

“很高興認(rèn)識(shí)你，”護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“我是他的母親�！�

3、Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"

軍營(yíng)里有二名士兵，一個(gè)叫喬治，一個(gè)叫比爾。喬治問(wèn)：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”

比爾說(shuō)：“有�！比缓蟀研偶埡托欧饨o了喬治。

喬治又說(shuō)：“我還沒(méi)有筆呢�！北葼栍职炎约旱墓P給了他。喬治開(kāi)始寫(xiě)信。寫(xiě)完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問(wèn)：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。這時(shí)比爾站起來(lái)，向門(mén)口走去。喬治問(wèn)：“你要出去嗎?”

比爾說(shuō)：“是的。”隨即打開(kāi)了門(mén)。

喬治說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。“你還要什么?”比爾問(wèn)。

喬治看著信封說(shuō)：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

4、Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised."How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?&qu

ot;

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

大五個(gè)月

第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開(kāi)始了，約翰想?yún)④�，可他只有十六歲，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說(shuō)他已經(jīng)十八歲了。

可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆](méi)幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。

“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問(wèn)。

“十八，長(zhǎng)官�！奔s翰說(shuō)。

“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

約翰臉紅了，說(shuō)：“哦，不是，長(zhǎng)官，我哥哥比我大五個(gè)月�！�

5、West Point

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

英語(yǔ)小故事簡(jiǎn)單的幽默篇二：英語(yǔ)幽默小故事10篇(帶翻譯)

英語(yǔ)幽默小故事10篇(

帶翻譯)

線(xiàn)話(huà)英語(yǔ)|2016-03-14 17:03:05

英語(yǔ)幽默小故事10篇(帶翻譯)如下：

Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".

中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)

三個(gè)互相爭(zhēng)生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。

右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書(shū)：“大減價(jià)!”“特便宜!”左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱(chēng)：“大砍價(jià)!”“大折扣!”

中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個(gè)大招牌，上面只簡(jiǎn)單地寫(xiě)著：“入口處”。Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I’m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."

"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."

"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營(yíng)中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個(gè)大軍營(yíng)中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞會(huì)上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對(duì)她說(shuō)，“我明天就要出國(guó)，但如果我們能夠相互寫(xiě)信，我會(huì)很高興�！杯偼�意了，于是他們幾個(gè)月里一直通著信。

后來(lái)，他再?zèng)]有來(lái)信。她收到了另一個(gè)軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個(gè)部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。

瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對(duì)護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“我來(lái)看望軍官漢弗雷斯�！�

“這里只有親屬可以探望病人。”護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)。

“噢，是的，”瓊說(shuō)，“我是他的妹妹�！�

“很高興認(rèn)識(shí)你，”護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“我是他的母親�！�

Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"

軍營(yíng)里有二名士兵，一個(gè)叫喬治，一個(gè)叫比爾。喬治問(wèn)：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”

比爾說(shuō)：“有�！比缓蟀研偶埡托欧饨o了喬治。

喬治又說(shuō)：“我還沒(méi)有筆呢�！北葼栍职炎约旱墓P給了他。喬治開(kāi)始寫(xiě)信。寫(xiě)完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問(wèn)：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。這時(shí)比爾站起來(lái)，向門(mén)口走去。喬治問(wèn)：“你要出去嗎?”

比爾說(shuō)：“是的�！彪S即打開(kāi)了門(mén)。

喬治說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了�！澳氵�要什么?”比爾問(wèn)。

喬治看著信封說(shuō)：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the

army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised."How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

大五個(gè)月

第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開(kāi)始了，約翰想?yún)④�，可他只有十六歲，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說(shuō)他已經(jīng)十八歲了。

可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆](méi)幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。

“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問(wèn)。

“十八，長(zhǎng)官。”約翰說(shuō)。

“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

英語(yǔ)小故事簡(jiǎn)單的幽默篇三：英語(yǔ)幽默小故事

英文幽默

1、 遲到的原因The Reason of Being Late eacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?

Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.

老 師：約翰尼，為什么你每天早晨都遲到？

約翰尼：每當(dāng)我經(jīng)過(guò)學(xué)校附近的拐角處，就見(jiàn)路牌上寫(xiě)著‘學(xué)校－緩行’。

2、 老虎來(lái)了

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

兩個(gè)男人正在穿過(guò)叢林，突然，一只老虎出現(xiàn)在遠(yuǎn)處，向他們沖來(lái)。

其中的一個(gè)人從包里拿出一雙“耐克”鞋，開(kāi)始穿上。另一個(gè)人驚奇地看著他說(shuō)，“你以為穿上這個(gè)就可以跑得過(guò)老虎嗎？”

他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得過(guò)它，我只要跑得比你快就行了�！� 3、Lady First 女士?jī)?yōu)先

teacher asked her class: "Is the sentence ' The ox and the cow are in the fields' correct?" Most of the children said: "Yes, it is all right!" And only one little boy said: "No, it is not correct. The lady must be mentioned first."

女士?jī)?yōu)先

一位老師問(wèn)班上的學(xué)生：”公牛和母牛在田里“這個(gè)句子對(duì)嗎？” 大多數(shù)學(xué)生回答說(shuō)：“對(duì)，一點(diǎn)不錯(cuò)�！� 只有一個(gè)小男孩說(shuō)：“不對(duì)，應(yīng)該先說(shuō)女士�！�

4、Endearing terms

英語(yǔ)幽默故事:可愛(ài)的稱(chēng)呼

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

Bernie應(yīng)邀來(lái)到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie發(fā)現(xiàn)，不管問(wèn)他老婆什么問(wèn)題，Morris總要在每句話(huà)的前面加上一些親密的稱(chēng)呼，象蜜糖，我的愛(ài)人，親愛(ài)的，甜心等等。Bernie對(duì)Morris說(shuō)，“你們夫妻倆真夠親密的，結(jié)婚這么多年了，你還叫她叫得那么親密�！盡orris低下頭，小聲地對(duì)Bernie說(shuō)，“老實(shí)跟你說(shuō)吧，三年前我忘記老婆的真名是什么了。”

5、Are you a normal person？你是正常人嗎？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

參觀一所精神病院的時(shí)候一個(gè)參觀者問(wèn)院長(zhǎng)，“你們是用什么標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來(lái)決定一個(gè)人是否應(yīng)該被關(guān)進(jìn)精神病院呢？” “呃? ?”院長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“是這樣，我們先給一個(gè)浴缸放滿(mǎn)水，然后我們給病人一個(gè)調(diào)茶匙，一個(gè)茶杯和一個(gè)水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清�！� “噢，我明白了”， 參觀者說(shuō)�！耙粋�(gè)正常人會(huì)選擇水桶， 因?yàn)樗�桶比茶匙，茶杯的體積大�！� “錯(cuò)了”，“院長(zhǎng)回答”“正常人會(huì)把浴缸塞子拔掉”。

6、Good use of cry 哭的妙用

The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.

When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them,

“you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund

you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband

asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?”

“I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered.

“It’s not worth seeing.”

“I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said.

“Wake the child up and let him cry.”

一對(duì)夫婦帶著他們3歲的兒子去看電影。進(jìn)電影院時(shí)，服務(wù)員對(duì)他們說(shuō)：“如果你們的兒子哭了，你們就得出去。不過(guò)我們會(huì)給你們退票的�！贝蠹s半個(gè)小時(shí)以后，丈夫?qū)ζ拮诱f(shuō)：“你覺(jué)得這電影怎么樣？”“我從沒(méi)看過(guò)這么沒(méi)勁的電影�！逼拮踊卮鹫f(shuō)，“真不值得看�！薄拔乙膊幌矚g看�！闭煞蛘f(shuō)：“叫醒孩子，讓他哭�！�

7、Another 40 Years to live

再活40年

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

一名中年婦女心臟病突發(fā)被送到了醫(yī)院， 在手術(shù)臺(tái)上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 于是，她問(wèn)上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說(shuō)，“還沒(méi)有，你還能活43年，2個(gè)月零8天�！� 身體快要康復(fù)的時(shí)候，這名女士想到自己還要活那么多年，得好好對(duì)待自己，于是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后還做了一個(gè)腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術(shù)。 她甚至還請(qǐng)人到醫(yī)院里面幫她頭發(fā)給染了。 做完最后一個(gè)手術(shù)，這位女士出院了， 但就在過(guò)馬路的時(shí)候，她被一輛風(fēng)馳電摯趕回醫(yī)院的救護(hù)車(chē)給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問(wèn)上帝，“我記得你說(shuō)我還能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那個(gè)時(shí)候我沒(méi)認(rèn)出你來(lái)”。

8、 What a Smart Wife家有笨妻

A newly married woman was sitting on a chair,

looking vexed, when her husband came home.

"What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"

the husband asked. The woman replied,

"I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and

burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said,

"That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."

"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair,"

the wife responded.

有一個(gè)剛結(jié)婚的太太，坐在椅子那邊，看起來(lái)很懊惱，她先生回家看到她這個(gè)樣子，就問(wèn)：‘嗨，你怎么啦？為什么看起來(lái)這么懊惱呢？’太太說(shuō)：‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西裝褲被我燙壞了，燙成一個(gè)洞了�！�他先生說(shuō)：‘啊！那個(gè)沒(méi)關(guān)系啦！我還有另外一件一樣的褲子�！� 她說(shuō)：‘是啊，還好我把那件新的拿出來(lái)補(bǔ)那件被我燙壞的。’

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